When a loved one is living with a chronic illness, it is common to feel helpless and unsure of how to support them. You don’t want to make them feel isolated or like they are a burden – you want to support them with their daily challenges, whilst maintaining a normal relationship, whatever that normal may be.
Research shows that the way family and friends interact, and the support they offer play an important role in a person’s management of their chronic illness.
There are many ways to support someone with a chronic illness, from noticing changes in their behaviour to helping out practically.
What is a chronic illness?
Chronic illnesses are conditions that are long-lasting, do not get better on their own and often incurable. They can cause a significant amount of pain and discomfort, both physically and emotionally.
Here a just a few examples of chronic illness:
- Diabetes
- Osteoarthritis
- Mental illness
Learn about their condition and accept their reality
Each chronic illness comes with its own set of needs, challenges and limitations. It can be extremely helpful to learn about your loved one’s particular illness and read about the experience of others who are living with this illness. Learn about the symptoms and how these are best managed. Ask your loved one about their condition, and what you can do, if anything, to help and let them know that you are there for them. The more you know the better position you’ll be in to offer support when they need it.
An important thing to understand when someone has a chronic illness, unlike any other illness, is that they might not get better. They may have better days than others but understanding that this will help you understand them and help your relationship.
Be there through the good, the bad and the ugly
Living with a chronic illness can be incredibly isolating and sometimes all it takes is the company of a loved one to make the pain they’re going through whether physically or emotionally, manageable. Support comes in all shapes and sizes and doesn’t always involve physically helping or doing something for them. Never underestimate the power of just being there and having a conversation and a cup of tea or watching a movie, like you would in any other relationship.
Manage your emotions
It can be difficult seeing someone you love living with a chronic illness, but getting upset yourself or displaying frustration when you see them struggling or having a bad day isn’t going to help.
Don’t take offence if they turn down your offer to spend time with you or make plans. Part of managing a chronic illness is self-care and sometimes that means saying no to people. It is important to not take offence if they decline your offer of company or a helping hand and accept that like everyone else, some days they may not want company.
Let them support you too
All too often if we have a friend or family member with a chronic illness, we put all the focus on them and making sure we are there for them as much as we can be.
As much as your loved one will appreciate you asking how they are, and making sure they’re ok – talking about yourself, your problems, and what’s going on in your life will be a welcome distraction. Don’t feel like just because your loved one may be unwell, that you can’t talk to them about what’s going on in your life because ‘it’s trivial’ compared to what they’re going through – talk about your struggles, or just have a vent about your bad day at work!
When a loved one is living with a chronic illness, your support can truly make a difference. With the right knowledge and attitude, your support can be an imperative part of their care and management of their illness.
It is important to look after you too; it can take its toll on your health and wellbeing when supporting someone with a chronic illness. You may seek support from internal support groups such as friends and family. There are also external support groups available through Carers Associations. You can find your local Carers Association and support groups available through Carers Australia.
Ask for a helping hand
Seek respite if you need it. As with most chronic illness there will be ups and downs. There may be times where your loved one is so ill that you simply can’t cope without assistance, or you might simply need a break. Home Care providers such as Envigor Home Care offer short term respite and health management services to assist with caring for your loved one.
References:
https://www.dhhs.tas.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0019/133480/19122012_FINAL_Self_Management_Framework.pdf
https://www.jhsph.edu/research/centers-and-institutes/johns-hopkins-center-for-health-equity/about/influences_on_health/family_social_support.html